Today's a Rough Day

Peace - that's what my family needs right now. We're struggling with broken hearts.

Today's a rough day because I'm missing Mom very badly.

My mind knows that she is so much better off in Heaven but my heart breaks just the same. Today, her death certificates arrived and I helped Daddy complete some paperwork...that was hard for both of us. Lately, my tears fall without rhyme or reason and it seems like my heart is constantly breaking.

Just last night and again this morning, I had to explain to Ashton why Jesus rose Lazarus from the dead but won't do the same for his Granny. I said a quick prayer each time and then jumped into the conversation. The best that I could tell him was that when Lazarus was raised from the dead, Jesus was walking here on earth and wanted his friend with Him. Now, Jesus is in Heaven and wants Granny, who is also Jesus' friend, there in Heaven with Him. You have no idea how many times a day I hear, "I miss my Granny."

Also, Ashton asked me what would happen to him if both Jason and I die too. I never thought I would be discussing custody issues with my preschooler, but this morning that's just what I did. The next question was what will happen to him if Jason, me, and his next guardian dies. He seemed content with my answers and let it drop from there. I think he needs reassurance that if something happens to those closest to him, he still will be loved and cared for. Ashton said, "You have a plan, Mommy." I said, "Mommy has a plan." That was that!

Nothing can prepare us for these conversations with our 4 year old. Your prayers are very much coveted during this time.