A Perfect Day for Referrals

Well, according to families currently in Ethiopia, tomorrow is a holiday and government offices will be closed. There won't be any court, so our family coordinator won't be hustling around contacting families with updates. Also, families who have received referrals but haven't been to court yet received updates on their children this past Wednesday. Waiting families received news of their pending court dates yesterday and today. We've already had our monthly conference call. Everyone who was scheduled for court had a successful hearing and lots of forever families were formed. Hmmmmmm, I don't think there's anything left for our agency to do tomorrow except MAKE REFERRAL PHONE CALLS!!!!!!!! Okay, Terra, (she's our family coordinator with our agency), I know you have a lot of work to do before the week is out, but please find time for REFERRALS!!!!!!

I'm hoping tomorrow will be a great day of referral phone calls!

What is a referral and what happens after that

Sometimes in the adoption world, we toss around words that are foreign to most people who have never traveled this journey, so I wanted to take some time to explain the process and terms that are used on this blog frequently.

First of all - what is a referral?

A referral is when a family is matched with a child. When a family first begins the adoption process, a significant amount of time and money is spent accumulating required documents, meeting with a social worker, and forming what is called a dossier. A dossier is basically your adoption resume or profile. All of the paperwork is grouped together and labeled "dossier". The dossier is sent to Ethiopia and the family is officially put on the list of waiting for a child. The dossier will be reviewed by our agency, Ethiopian adoption officials (MOWA) and eventually the Ethiopian court.

What is a transitional home?

In Ethiopia, once a child is abandoned or relinquished, he is generally placed into an orphanage. Our agency is affiliated with several orphanages in Ethiopia, so when a child is placed into the orphanage, our agency is contacted and custody is transferred to America World, our agency. The child is moved to a home (basically like an orphanage) that is owned and operated by our agency. There are full time nurses, nannies, and staff that tend to the children. A doctor visits the transition home every day to make sure that the children are well cared for. Once a child arrives at the transitional home, medical testing begins. Once all the results are available (many tests are sent to Germany for processing to ensure accurate results) and a medical profile is available, the process of matching a child with a family begins. Each family has specific requests such as gender, age, health conditions, etc. that they are open to adopting. Much prayer goes into matching a child and a family. A recommendation is made by the in-country Ethiopian staff and sent to the office in Virginia and the decision is finalized. After a family is chosen, the family receive the call of a lifetime - this is the referral call.

What information is available at the time of the referral?

After a family receives a phone call stating that they have been matched with a child, they receive an e-mail. The e-mail contains 1 or 2 pictures of the child and as much information as is available. The children are tested for HIV, Hep A and B, etc. Generally a family will know an approximate age, weight, height, and sometimes information about the biological family. The family reviews the information and then determines whether or not the referral will be accepted. If it is accepted, then more documents are signed and a very large check is overnighted to America World. Once the document is received by our agency, then more paperwork is completed by our agency staff in Ethiopia and they began efforts at securing a court date.

What is involved in court?

Once we have a court date, our agency will do everything possible to make sure that our case is approved by the judge on the first hearing date. It is very important to note that not all families have successful first court dates (approximately 30% do not). The reasons for failing vary from case to case, but oftentimes it revolves around getting birth family members to court or getting detailed information from the police about abandonment. Every effort possible is expended to ensure that the child is truly an orphan. We will not be present for court. We have signed powers of attorney so that our agency can go to court on our behalf. We will not prepare to travel until we know that our case was successful. When we travel, we will already be the legal parents of our child - praise God for this (no repeats of our Ukraine nightmare)!

Court dates are generally scheduled 8-16 weeks after the referral . Our agency stated today in the conference call that they are anticipating that families receiving referrals by the end of May should be able to have at least 1 court date before the Ethiopian government shuts down at the end of July for the rainy season. The courts will be closed from the end of July until the first part of October - we are praying and hoping that our case will be heard and successful before the closures or else, we will have to wait until the end of the year to travel to Ethiopia.

After you get your referral, when do you travel?

After successfully passing court, we can expect to travel within 2-4 weeks. Our stay will be approx. 5 days. During the time between referral and travel, we will be able to send care packages to our child and receive monthly updates. Also, we can sign a release and send it with traveling families so that they can take pictures of our child for us while we are waiting to go get her...this is wonderful! Once we do pick her up and arrive back home, we will begin the process of readoption here at home....fortunately, this isn't an area that concerns me ;) and I can't wait to show-off my baby at our local courthouse!

Agency Conference Call

Well, I'm hoping that today was our last time participating in the waiting family conference call held each month by our agency. The purpose of the call is to help families understand more about the process and receive answers to common and sometimes very specific questions.

The item that held my interest the most was the discussion about power outages in Ethiopia. Apparently the power has been off quite a bit lately and this is affecting all of us. For example, the Courts and MOWA (Ethiopian dept. that handles the adoptions)can't process paperwork and our agency's in-country staff is limited in their abilities as well. This trickles down to families here in the States because information about court dates, updates on referred children, and information (i.e. medical) about children awaiting referral isn't readily available because of the outages overseas which limit internet access. There haven't been any referrals mentioned on our agency's Yahoo board in 2 weeks now, so the outages probably account for this to at least some extent. Hopefully the referrals will come in a large batch very soon!

Once we receive a referral, we will stop participating in the waiting families' call and move on to the waiting to travel monthly call - how exciting!

Praying for the Children

For 2 days now, whenever Ashton has said his prayers at night, he has prayed that God will help his sister get better so she can come to America forever. I just let the comment go the first night and then after last night, I questioned him as to why he thinks his sister is sick. He simply stated, "God told me that she didn't feel good and that I should pray for her." I've mulled that over in my brain all night long. This morning, I began reading the latest post from the VanDruff blog as they met their children in Ethiopia yesterday for the first time. Renee posted that there were many tiny babies who were on feeding tubes and really struggling - as soon as I read that I flashed back to Ashton's prayers and wondered if one of those babies could be ours.

God just seems to talk to Ashton about this adoption. Time and time again, Ash has made little comments that seem weird or out of place when made but then reveal themselves as a way that God is working or a path that we are supposed to go down. Here's just an example of what I'm talking about. This is a portion of a post from our Ukraine adoption journey:

Well, our Ukrainian journey is over. We officially withdrew from the program on Thursday, April 10. We are at peace and have accepted that it is not God’s will for us to find our child in Ukraine. We don’t understand why God opened so many doors and led us to Ukraine; however we are trying not to question Him. As difficult as the last year has been, our lives have been changed for the better. Our relationship with God, our marriage, and our family as a whole have been strengthened. While overseas, we were able to share our faith several times, so hopefully seeds for Christ were planted and those of you coming behind us may be the ones that God is going to use to water those seeds! When we spoke with our family coordinator on Wednesday, she urged us not to proceed with Ukraine. In fact, she stated that it is the agency’s position that Ukraine is so unstable and unpredictable that they are encouraging all the families to withdraw from the program. Our hearts hurt for these children, but there is nothing else that we can do. We will never forget our heart wrenching experience visiting the orphanage or the horrific lies that we were told by the SDA. We pray that God will intervene on behalf of the orphans and open doors so that they can find forever families. We are very relieved to have closure to this journey. Don’t misunderstand us because we would have loved nothing more than to be united with a child, however we know that God has other plans in store for our family.


It’s really amazing how He works. When we started this journey to Ukraine, our country choices were very limited because I (Erica) had been diagnosed with mild cardiomyopathy – my heart was weakened primarily due to child birth. I began medication and changed my diet and my condition began to improve. Last July (not even a year after my initial diagnosis), my heart was scanned and amazingly enough, my heart was stronger than that of the average person. My cardiologist was floored because he said that there is no medical explanation for the improvement. Today, my heart is still just fine and I no longer carry the diagnosis of mild cardiomyopathy. If we were to have another biological child, then there is a risk that my heart could be affected again – that’s a risk that we are not willing to take. The country that we would have chosen over Ukraine (our options were Ukraine, Russia, and Ethiopia) was Ethiopia, however the program was brand new and our agency wanted to be able to gain experience before stating that my medical condition would not be a problem. Well, that was Sept. 2006 and it’s now April 2008 and guess what – we’re eligible for Ethiopia because God healed me! Once again, isn’t God good! The program is operating smoothly and it looks like that is where we may be headed next (we are carefully considering our options)! If I had not been inflicted with the medical condition, we would not have begun the adoption journey at this stage in our lives. This condition led us to follow God’s will in adoption (thereby getting our attention and opening up our heart to adoption) and because Ukraine allowed us to submit our dossier, we entered the arena of international adoption. It may very well be that God allowed the medical condition and the failed Ukraine adoption only to heal me and lead us to Ethiopia. I guess we’ll wait and see what path He leads us down this time.


We have been very careful not to mention any of this to Ashton because he is having such a difficult time with the whole adoption experience. We have not talked about any latest development at all with him present in the house. Well, on Thursday morning when he woke-up, the first thing that he asked was where his sissy was. I told him that God was still getting sissy ready to come to America. He hopped off the bed and said that he would show me where his sissy lives. We went to the playroom and he grabbed his pointer for the map. He knows exactly where America and Ukraine are located, however he pointed directly at Ethiopia and said, “My sissy lives there.” If I had not been leaning against the wall, I think my knees would have buckled. How did he know that we were even considering Ethiopia? This may have just been a random point; however for me it was taken as a sign that God is still working His plan.

Now back to the present, the last infant that was referred to a family was a little girl who has struggled with malnourishment. The Foote family accepted that referral and are making sure that she receives very specialized formula which will help her grow and thrive. They already have an adorable daughter, Libby, who like Ashton seems to also receive very specific info from God about her sister. Read their blog about Libby telling her parents that her sister is crying for her milk and that they need to get it to her - this comment was made well before the referral was received and at the same time that their precious daughter was being brought to our agency's transitional home.

I don't know whether or not our daughter is sick or if she's one of the children that are really struggling but I do know this - we must join together to pray for these little lives. It is so easy to get caught up in our journey and our fantasy of what each of our adoption journeys will look like that we forget or overlook all that these children are going through. I know that the children have faced horrors of death of family, starvation, AIDS, etc but for some reason I never pictured teeny tiny babies on feeding tubes fighting for their lives. Back last year when our fees were greatly increased, I was so frustrated because adoption is already so expensive and many of us are struggling just to pay the rates as they were and now I'm so ashamed. God is using us to help provide for these children and I was too selfish to stop and think about the children who are struggling - it makes me wonder how many have died that we don't even know about? Time and time again, God has met our needs and He will continue doing so. I earnestly pray that God will touch each of these children and heal their bodies and breathe His life into them!

9 Months and Waiting

9 Months and Waiting

Well, we've hit the 9 month mark since our paperwork has been in Ethiopia. We received our "on deck" e-mail a month ago, so our call could come any day now. Our expected wait time is 9-11 months but considering the wait time of the families in front of us it is likely that the call will come more towards the 9 month mark. The way that our agency calculates the wait, we will still be in the 9 month period until May 24th...I certainly hope it comes before then!

On Monday mornings, I wake-up thinking, "This could be the week we receive the call that changes our life forever!" On Friday afternoons, I think, "Well, one more week has passed and at least I have 2 days that I won't jump every time the phone rings."

Let's see what this coming week brings!

Rambling Thoughts

So, this morning I was viewing a slide show from a fellow adoptive family and noticed that her son was wearing an amazing t-shirt about adoption and the Bible. I immediately did a Google search and found it at http://www.cafepress.com/ Here it is:

What an amazing testimony for adoption! So many people overlook that fact that as born-again believers, we are the adopted children of Christ! I so have to order this shirt for all of us!

Well, I thought maybe I could find a shirt for Ashton and maybe myself. I've already purchased a great one for Jason that he wears all the time. So, I looked and looked and my mind started spinning with the possibilities, then I found this shirt:

At first, my blood began to boil - it was an automatic reaction. I immediately began to think about the people who are truly ignorant about adoption and the trials that it brings. If I've heard it once, I've heard it again and again - you're taking the easy way out by adopting. These ill-informed people look at adoption as easy because there are no labor pains or stretch marks or hospital bills, etc. These people have absolutely no idea what adoption is truly about or how hard it is. When I was pregnant with Ashton, I was in labor for 11 1/2 hours and my heart was damaged - all this occurred in just under 12 hours when I had had a great, healthy pregnancy up to that point. I did have to quit work slightly early because Ashton decided at one time that he wanted to come early but that only lasted 2 weeks and then my doctor said to resume normal activities...no big deal. Well, Jason and I have been officially in the adoption process for 2 years and 7 months and we will both quickly state that for us, adoption is much, much harder than actual childbirth! It flies all over me when people make remarks about adoption being the easy way out...let them spend the money to travel overseas, communicate with birth parents (or grandparents which can totally interfere in all types of adoptions), complete loads of paperwork, take a HUGE leap of faith that God will unite them with the right child, etc. Adoption is hard any way you look at it. Just the decision to adopt in and of itself is overwhelming. Jason and I knew before we were married that one day we would adopt so that part was easy but dealing with family and friends and making the decision as to which agency to use and whether to try international or domestic - those are the hard parts! For us, we've looked into both and experienced heartache with both.

For domestic, we really got our hopes up and learned all about the child only to have the rug pulled out when biological grandparents decided that they wanted to be so involved in the child's life that we were basically only going to be foster parents. Also, we were told by a very prominent agency that unless we were willing to share birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. with the birth family that we would never be matched with a child - how open are you willing to be in adoption is a HUGE decision that affects the entire family (both birth and adoptive).

As for international, we spent huge sums of money and even traveled for 2 weeks to Ukraine and have never felt so much heartache as we did in those weeks. Take a moment to read this post about the day we met two children at the Ukrainian orphanage...this was one of the hardest days of my life. The months that followed only got worse, and as of today, we haven't returned to Ukraine but are waiting for our Ethiopian referral and about to pay quite a sum of money again to redo our home study for the 4th time and our fingerprints for the 3rd. You know what, I would do it all over again without even a thought because we know that we are in God's will...even Ukraine wasn't a mistake - you will never know how that trip impacted our lives and those of the people around us. Each day, I get up and wonder if today will be the day when we will receive the phone call that we have been matched with a child....our day is coming!

Now, take another look at the t-shirt logo. Do you see what I see upon a closer glance? This shirt isn't about rude people at all, it depicts the hand of Christ and the heart is for the spikes that were nailed through His body so that we could be adopted into His family. We were not physically born of Christ's womb but His blood paid for our adoption - what a high price He paid so that we could join His family. Just this morning in my devotion time, I read that Jesus wants us to give Him complete control over our mind. My devotion stated that even when we learn to bridle our tongue, rarely do we learn to give Him complete control over our minds. My initial reaction to this t-shirt certainly brought back to me the scriptures that I read this morning. God knows the heartache and trials of adoption firsthand, so He can certainly mend our hearts, provide financial resources to pay for the adoption, and unite our family when the timing is right - His timing, that is. God can even help change people's hearts who think we are crazy for purposely creating an transracial family.

I still think the shirt is a little inaccurate, after all Christ certainly labored here on earth but thankfully it was a labor of love!

We're Getting Restless

Well, the referrals are really rolling-in this week so that brings us closer and closer to the top! Right now, there are two families ahead of us (that we know of) in line for a baby girl.....my nerves are shot! I've set both our cell phones on a special ring for our agency, and Jason told his supervisor and other co-workers that if the phone rings and someone asks for "Larry" then they mean him (that's his first name). Our counter today reads 2 years and 7 months since we officially started this adoption journey with America World - it seems like decades! It's hard to believe that we actually traveled to Ukraine in 2007 and came home without a child - God is truly healing our hearts after that life changing adventure....maybe one day soon I will be able to unpack the suitcases that were meant for our child(ren) without shedding buckets of tears for all those children who were being held hostage in orphanages and not given a chance at a forever family.

Just last night, Ashton was kinda quiet during prayer time and when I asked him what was wrong, he stated that his heart was so lonely for Julianna. He said, "I've prayed and prayed and I just want to see her pretty face." All I could say was, "I know, son, but we just have to be patient and wait on Jesus because He knows the exact day when we will see Sissy's face for the first time and the exact day when she will come home to us." This wait is getting harder and harder on all of us! I can't wait for the day (hopefully very, very soon) when I will pick him up from daycare and be able to share that we received a referral call and that we can finally see her face!

Faith, Hope and Lullabies

Looking for a peaceful and relaxing CD for your children - look no further! I received an e-mail about a new CD series, Faith Hope & Lullabies, that is absolutely awesome. The CD reminds me of the Praise Baby music but it so much better! The music is geared towards helping the listener to relax, calm down, and experience peace within the soul.

My son is 4 and when we are in the car, he loves to listen to instrumental music because he says that other music gets on his nerves - at 4, does he even know what that means?! Anyway, this will be perfect for the car as well as at home. I can't wait until we get our infant daughter home from Ethiopia because this CD will definitely be played in her nursery!

The CD is marketed to help comfort babies and small children, but I find it incredibly helpful for the stressed-out, overworked mother as well! For three days now, I have played the music online while I have worked. With this being tax week and I've procrastinated, stressed isn't quite the word I would use for how I've been feeling, but this praise music literally calms my soul. Also, we're at the end of the long road of waiting for a referral, and I find myself on pins and needles just waiting for my phone to ring. As the music plays, I am reminded that God provides us with peace and that we are to trust in Him in all things!

Click here to listen to the CD! Click here to purchase your copy today!

Good Friday Tornado

Final damage assessment reports by Murfreesboro Building and Codes employees indicate a total of 519 structures were impacted by an EF-4 tornado that ravaged northern and northeastern areas of the city Friday. This morning, the storm path was increased from the original 15 mile long, half mile wide path to 30 mile long path.

The devastation and destruction is horrible. There were actually 4 or so different tornados that touched down in our community. Many of our friends lost their homes completely. For us, a storm passed over our area but fortunately the tornado stayed in the area and did not affect our home.

Thank you for all your prayers, e-mails, and calls during this time. Your concern is very touching. We are expecting another day of severe thunderstorms, so you can imagine that everyone is rather jumpy today.

Waiting on "THE CALL"

Okay, so you already know that we have received our e-mail from our agency, America World, stating that we are "on deck" to receive a referral at any time. We do know of a few families ahead of us who are still waiting and there may be more out there that aren't active on our agency Yahoo board, but that's okay because we know that we are at the top because of the e-mail! I've set my cell phone to a very specific ring in case our agency calls it to reach us. I've given them my office phone first but I'm not there much due to court and home visits, so I want to make sure that if it does ring I don't ignore it!

Happy Easter

Mom's Easter Flowers

Ashton at the Nissan Egg Hunt

Easter Basket focusing on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Okay, there is a Prowler Monster Truck in there too but the Easter Bunny knew that Ashton really wanted that truck! Also, it helped to lighten the mood after all the questions about why Jesus arose and Granny is still dead - yes, we had that conversation lots this past week. LifeWay has great resources for struggling parents like us!

Traveling Families

These are the families currently in Ethiopia meeting their children for the first time! They get to see their children on Monday (4/13/09)!

Dubose Family
Kulp Family
Lunceford Family
Koby Family
Jones Family
Rovang Family
Crowell Family
Moffatt Family
Bartel Family
Watson Family

T-Ball and Waiting on our Cheerleader

We have been gearing-up for a busy T-ball season. We signed Ashton up for t-ball in Cannon County and he's having a blast. He grins from ear to ear throughout the entire practice - he is so adorable! He is the shortest and youngest player on the team (most of the other players are 6-8 years old). His coaches are awesome with the children - they are so incredibly patient. Our season opens on April 11 with Ash's first game the following Tuesday.

It is so hilarious to watch these kids! They play in the dirt; kick-up the dirt (Ash calls this "making smoke"); put dirt in each other's hair; stare out into the woods; etc. The evenings when he practices always prove to be full of entertainment! Ashton says that when Julianna gets home, she is going to be his cheerleader...how sweet is that! What fun we are having!

New Playset

We've never really had a nice playset for Ashton, but we've really wanted to make this investment. He is the perfect age for an outdoor playset, so we knew the timing was perfect. Also, the playset will be good for Julianna when she gets home.

Honestly, I think Jason and Leigh were just as excited about the playset as Ashton. Both of them went down the covered slide immediately! It has a floored area under the cottage and a picnic table that we can all eat at. When it gets pretty weather, our family eats outside alot, so this is perfect for us.

We were supposed to receive the playset last Friday but it has rained and rained in Middle Tennessee, so we had to keep waiting. Monday was beautiful but delivery had to be scheduled for Tuesday, and of course when we woke-up on Tuesday it was gray again. Ashton prayed (or shall I say begged and pleaded) to God to hold-off on the rain until he could get his playset. He even called his great grandmother Shields in Georgia and asked her to pray for the rain to stop. She promised that she would but Ashton said, "Let's pray now. I don't hear you." Nanny was in th middle of Bi Lo, but she stopped and prayed with him immediately...this request totally made her day!

It's still been raining most of this week, so Ash has only played on it a couple of times. He has big plans for today and right now, it's beautiful outside so he should have a great day of outdoor fun!

Baby Quilt

Aunt Mae creates beautiful embroidery masterpieces and her quilt for Julianna is certainly no exception. She started the quilt months ago and brought it to us this week. It is the most beautiful baby quilt I have ever seen! We are so honored and thankful for this gift. It will look beautiful in the nursery and be a treasured keepsake for Julianna. I can't wait to wrap her little body in it!

Thank you, Aunt Mae!

My Dad's Surgery - GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS

My dad had surgery this morning and all has gone well - PRAISE GOD! The surgery was expected to last 2-4 hours but only lasted 1.5 hours! The doctor just stated that there were no complications and that he is looking good! He is now headed to recovery and then on to ICU for the next 24 hours. Hopefully he will get to go home in a few days. I have specifically requested that a scan be done to ensure that there are no blood clots before he goes home, and thankfully the doctor agreed because of our concern after Mom's death in November due to a clot after surgery. Thanks for all your prayers!