Happy Thanksgiving

Our Little Pilgrim - Ashton

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Taking Things Day by Day

The holidays are here and our hearts are still breaking. We are trusting in God alone to carry us through this time and to heal our broken hearts. One year ago, we arrived back from Ukraine without a child (we are still healing from that journey) and now my best friend/Mother has entered Glory...our hearts and minds are just overloaded right now. We've got to remember and focus on God's promise....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to proseper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back...to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

Today's a Rough Day

Peace - that's what my family needs right now. We're struggling with broken hearts.

Today's a rough day because I'm missing Mom very badly.

My mind knows that she is so much better off in Heaven but my heart breaks just the same. Today, her death certificates arrived and I helped Daddy complete some paperwork...that was hard for both of us. Lately, my tears fall without rhyme or reason and it seems like my heart is constantly breaking.

Just last night and again this morning, I had to explain to Ashton why Jesus rose Lazarus from the dead but won't do the same for his Granny. I said a quick prayer each time and then jumped into the conversation. The best that I could tell him was that when Lazarus was raised from the dead, Jesus was walking here on earth and wanted his friend with Him. Now, Jesus is in Heaven and wants Granny, who is also Jesus' friend, there in Heaven with Him. You have no idea how many times a day I hear, "I miss my Granny."

Also, Ashton asked me what would happen to him if both Jason and I die too. I never thought I would be discussing custody issues with my preschooler, but this morning that's just what I did. The next question was what will happen to him if Jason, me, and his next guardian dies. He seemed content with my answers and let it drop from there. I think he needs reassurance that if something happens to those closest to him, he still will be loved and cared for. Ashton said, "You have a plan, Mommy." I said, "Mommy has a plan." That was that!

Nothing can prepare us for these conversations with our 4 year old. Your prayers are very much coveted during this time.

Extended I-171H Received

When I got home yesterday evening, on the table was a letter from U.S. Homeland Security. I was so excited because in all the events of the last weeks, I had completely forgotten that we were waiting on an extension of our adoption approval from the U.S. Government! I was slightly concerned that we would have difficulty because we received an e-mail from our agency over the summer that stated that the new social worker was not putting all the necessary information in our home study and as a result, the US Gov. was requiring more info before allowing extensions. After having said several prayers over our application and home study, I sent it to the Memphis office the first week of October and figured I would just see what happened. God came through! No extra info was required so that meant that we didn't have to pay an additional $485 for an update to our home study! What a great day and a HUGE relief. Now, come on referral!

Cleaning-out Mom's Office

Last Friday, November 14, we went as a family to the Alvin C. York Veteran's Administration Hospital to clean-out Mom's office. She had worked there for 15 years and did x-ray and mammography. She was the tech who actually got the mammography program going at the VA, and in her memory the mammo suite is being dedicated to her. There will be a dedication program in about 2 weeks and her picture will hang in the suite. Also, a mirror was dedicated to her and hung in the dressing area of the mammography room.

Friday was a really, really hard day. To be honest with you, we weren't ready for our trek to the VA (the question is, would ever be really ready and it was time) but we knew that her co-workers had to begin healing and moving on with patient care. Mom was an avid decorator for the seasons, so they had already boxed-up most of her stuff and had it loaded on carts for us...this was a HUGE help because I fell apart when I practically walked in the door. Mom's death still doesn't seem real and cleaning out her office seemed so final.

She loved her boss, co-workers, and patients. She just outright loved life. The new mammography suite was opened this past summer and a new digital machine was put into use. When Mom was in the hospital at the end of October after her surgery, one day when I spoke with her, she was crying and thanking God for a huge praise....she had passed accreditation for the new machine. For those of you who don't know much about accreditation, it is a very difficult and time-consuming ordeal. Accreditation lasts for 3 or 4 years and then you have to apply all over again. The tech that Mom had been working with is a relatively new tech but Mom adored her and often praised her for being such a fast learner. It gave Mom such peace to know that her patients were being cared for in her absence. Mom knew that Brenda (her special co-worker) could do the job and would take care of any problems that might arise with accreditation of the new machine, but Mom sure was glad that they passed on the first time. She actually was so excited about the passing that she had me join her in praying a prayer of thanksgiving just for the accreditation - I laughed and asked Mom if she hadn't already done that and of course she said, "Yes, but let's thank Him again." I sure love my Momma!

One thing that I learned today was that one of Mom's friends, Sharon, from x-ray school and her first job at Tri-County Hospital in Ft. Oglethorpe, GA, passed away right about the same time that Mom did. Even all the years (over 25) since they last worked together, Mom used to talk about Karen and Sharon (they were twins). I can only imagine how surprised Mom must have been to enter Heaven and see her friend join the grand tour with her! Isn't God good!

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Thanksgiving Program at Daycare

Last Friday was the Thanksgiving program and luncheon at Ashton's daycare. He was a pilgrim. The kids did so well! Our pictures turned-out dark, but they are still cute to view. On Monday, the kids did the program again for a senior citizens group and did great again. I received a call stating that the little boy who was going to be the corn on the cob didn't come to school, so Ashton was the corn on the cob! It was his first speaking part in a play and I didn't have time to run home for the video camera or regular camera ;( Fortunately, one of the teachers did have a regular camera so I will be able to get pictures of him in the corn on the cob suit. He's still having trouble saying "c"'s, so he said "torn on the tob, torn on the tob". We are definitely working with him on this, but it's still a work in progress. I was so proud!

One Year Ago - Kiev, Ukraine

Looking back, it is so hard to believe that one year ago, we were in Kiev, Ukraine waiting for another appointment with the adoption officials so that we could request another referral for a child. It seems like a lifetime ago that we were sludging through snow and ice and boarding trains in order to skirt across the country. Kiev was a beautiful city and the journey was unforgettable - heartbreaking but unforgettable. Actually, I think about the little girls that we visited and my heart breaks knowing that more than likely, they will grow-up in an orphanage. They were so sick, and we did not have the financial means to care for them like they needed. In our hearts, we know that these children were not meant to be ours, however it was so difficult to turn around and walk away from them. You can read about the day we met them by clicking here. Boghdana and Ivanka, our prayers are with you and hopefully one day, you will find a forever family.

Thank You Family and Friends

Well, Mom has been in Glory for almost one week. I can't post this without telling you that I miss her more today than yesterday, if that's even possible.

The events of the past week have been like a horrible dream. We still feel rather robotic as we go through the day. I think Daddy summed it all up last night when he stated that he finds himself constantly walking in circles and feeling lost and empty. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that my precious mother is no longer on this earth. She was only 56 years old - way too young to be deceased.

Many of you were not able to attend her visitation or burial, so here are some pictures for you to see.

The visitation line was solid with people for over 3.5 hours - what an amazing testimony to Mom's life! Her casket was draped with a prayer quilt that was given to her by the members of Mt. Hermon Baptist Church. On the quilt was thread tied with hundred of knots which represented each time a person prayed for her. Mom used this quilt daily to cover her legs while reading her daily devotion and enjoying her prayer and praise time. She used to say that even on days when she felt so sick and lonely, she could always feel the power of prayer and was reassured that people loved her because she could look down and feel the hundreds of prayer knots. Our family had a spray of red roses, and Ashton had a spray of red roses and four golden roses representing the four golden years that he was blessed by his Granny (pronounced Grau (short o sound) - knee). Dr. Dean Sisk, pastor of Belle Aire Baptist Church officiated and I gave Momma's eulogy. Music for the funeral was provided by Rev. George and Janet Pinion and by the choir CD of Northside Baptist Church. For those of you who were not able to make the funeral service, her service was a celebration of her life and homecoming to Glory. What a celebration it was!

My most memorable moment at the service was when Ashton joined the other pall bearers (Daddy, Jason, Brent Shields, Donnie Shields, Ronnie Shields, and Babe Tudor) in carrying Mom's casket. That morning, he stated that he wanted to help his PaPa and Daddy carry Granny's body. I'll never forget seeing my four-year old little boy as he lifted on the end of the casket with all his might and walked just like the rest of the men and carried her body to the grave. He later said, "Momma, carrying Granny was hard work. My muscles are tired." Each morning since, when we pass the cemetary, he calls out, "Good morning, Granny's body." Then, he proceeds to tell me about when Christ returns and Granny's body will shoot-up out of the ground and we will all be in Heaven together forever. Praise God for using Momma's death to teach Ashton more about loving God and living for Him! Momma wouldn't want it any other way!

The outpouring of love from family, friends, and even perfect strangers has been overwhelming. It is amazing how many lives Mom touched. Actually, the rest of us should be reminded that no small act or deed or even smile are ever wasted - everything we do affects someone (positive or negative) somehow. When Mom entered a room, it lit-up with energy and love. We will never forget her smile or laugh. I feel her all around me and hear her voice cheering me on each day and reminding me that she's okay and that she still loves me.

I keep recounting her last hours and find myself wishing for one more squeeze of her hand and nod of her head. One thing that brings a smile to my face is when I think back to when I first arrived in her room last Wednesday and told her of the outcome of the Presidential election. I said, "Well, Mom, Obama won the election." Her eyes were closed (I never saw her eyes opened on that day) but she was very much alert, and she threw-up her right hand. I told her, "I know, Momma, but God is still in control and we'll just have to pray that much harder for the next 4 years." She nodded her head and then Daddy said no more talk of politics. That was the most movement I saw from her that day. If she could have, she would have fussed and fussed about the election results....I would have given anything to hear her say something, anything, on that day.

Another special memory from last Wednesday is the last family prayer that we had together. Leigh was on speaker phone at Mom's ear, Daddy was holding Mom's left hand, Nanny was beside Daddy, and Jason was at my side while I was holding Momma's right hand. Starting with Leigh, we poured-out our hearts to God and thanked Him for allowing us to be a family and for giving us such a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, and grandmother. We prayed that God would give Mom peace and comfort, and that she would feel His presence and His love. Even more importantly, we thanked God for allowing our family circle to be complete at this time because each and every one of us have asked Christ to forgive us of our sins and enter our lives - making us family not just here on earth but in Heaven as well. We prayed that when Ashton and Julianna and other grandchildren are old enough, that they too will make the decision to ask Christ into their hearts. When Mom was sick in 2004 with lymphoma, her prayer was that she would be around to see Ashton grow up to know Christ as his personal Savior. It was important to us that she know that we are going to do everything in our power to be sure that he grows up knowing about Christ so that one day when he is mature enough, he will make the choice to know Him personally. "Mom, we will carry-out the legacy that you left for us" - we all promised her that.

I'm not going to lie - the days are horrible and the pain is severe. I don't really remember a lot about the visitation or service because my eyes were focused on my Mother's face because as I looked at her, I was reminded of God's mercy and compassion and love. God knew the days that would be ahead if Mom had lived and His plan is perfect. I can't imagine getting through this or even living for a moment without the assurance of knowing that one day I will be united with my mother in Heaven. This may sound all rather cliche to you, but in my heart of hearts, I KNOW that this separation is only temporary. I've always pictured Heaven as a beautiful city in the clouds, but I will never think of it this way again. Now, I see it as a magnificent home in which my Lord and Momma are waiting for me at the gates.

Thank you for all the prayers, food, flowers, framed prints, quilts, angels, etc. that were shared with our family. Mom would have been so pleased and rather humbled to know that she impacted so many lives and that so many people love her. I could just hear her watching us from heaven and exclaiming to God, "Would you just look at so and so! I haven't seen her/him in years." As many of us were shedding tears, I'm sure she was wishing that she could have wrapped her arms around us and told us of the beauty of Heaven and given us assurance that she is healed and full of strength and quite happy now. One thing that you might like to know is that flowers from the arrangements are being dried and will one day be used by Leigh at her wedding. Now, she's not getting married any time soon and no, that wasn't her boyfriend at the funeral service (he was actually our cousin, Shane, who met her on the Marine Base and actually told her of Mom's death), but when God brings the right Christian man into her life and they unite as husband and wife, some of Mom's flowers will be used in the service - what a special way to include her on that day. Also, some of the angels and the pink bows will be used at our house whenever Julianna is brought to America and joins our family. Oh, Julianna will be named "Julianna Deborah" after Mom. Julianna never got to meet Mom but she was certainly prayed for and loved by Mom!

The days and months and years ahead will be difficult because we miss Mom so badly, and frankly, I don't think it will ever get any easier, however Mom is rejoicing in Heaven and we must release her back to Christ. We each have a plan for our lives - sometimes our plans don't coincide with God's, so we must be willing to relinquish control to Him. As Leigh, Daddy, and I prayed over Mom's body one last time at the beginning of her homecoming celebration (and I do hope that you left that service feeling as if you indeed had been celebrating Mom's life and God's glory), as difficult as it was, we released Mom back to Christ and acknowledged Him as the giver and taker of life and that His plan is perfect.

Mom, we will love you for the remainder of our lives. We look forward to seeing you at Heaven's gates and worshipping with you at the feet of our Lord and Savior for all eternity!

Mom's Life Verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you, delcares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Last Two Pictures of Momma

I'll never forget your smile or your personality .... I see both each day when I look into the mirror as well as when I look at my son!

We love you!

Funeral Arrangements for Mom

Friends and Family,

We just wanted to let you know that we have made funeral arrangements for Mom. Visitation will be on Friday, November 7, from 4:00 - 8:00 p.m. CST. The funeral will be Saturday, November 8, at 2:00 p.m. Both will be held at Woodfin Funeral Home.

Woodfin Memorial Chapel, Murfreesboro
1488 Lascassas Pike
Murfreesboro, Tennessee 37130
Phone: 615.893.5151

Click here to driving directions.

We understand that many of you are out of state or have prior obligations and will not be able to attend, however we did want to let you know of the arrangements. Your prayers and support - even from miles away - mean more than words can ever express.

We love each and every one of you!

Jim, Erica, Leigh, Jason, Ashton

Mom has gone to Heaven

Family and Friends,

I just wanted to let you know that Jesus called my mother, Debbie Tudor, home last night at 11:05. I think this is positively the hardest e-mail that I have ever written...part of the reason is that I can't even see the screen as I type. I woke-up this morning, with one thought, "I want my Momma."

When Mom had to be taken back to Centennial this past Tuesday, she was laughing and joking with the medical staff. She did have some difficulty which was most likely the throwing of the clot on the way to the hospital but once she was in her room in Cardiac Care, she was acting normal and had a pleasant and joyful demeanor. The nursing staff and doctors repeatedly stated to us last night that she spent her last hours in which she could speak telling of Christ and all that He's done for her and means to her. Right up to the end, her love for Christ was evident. Around midnight, she began to complain of having difficulty breathing and by early morning, she had to be placed on a ventilator. Mom has horrible gag reflux and when the nurse told me last night that she had warned them about that but that she didn't fight them at all, I knew that she was really struggling.

Around 9 or so last night, we were asked to leave the room because some tests needed to be ran and the doctors were in with her. I'll never forget the look on my father's face when his cell phone rang as we were waiting in the cafeteria because it was evident that something very serious was happening...we had to make some decisions because Mom had once again started on a downhill path. We all have our estate planning documents and have talked freely about what each of us wants as far as life support, rescesitation, etc. so we knew what Mom would want - she was tired, very weak, and very anxious to see our Lord.

Our big decision revolved around what do we do until Leigh (my sister) can call or get here from Officer Candidates School in Virginia. I had traveled to M'boro to the Marine Recruiters office early that afternoon to figure out what we needed to do to be able to contact Leigh. Let me just say this, ultimately God worked everything out, however dealing with USMC and the Red Cross was a nightmare. Leigh left Virginia this morning. When Mom was still able to somewhat respond and definitely could hear, we all said our goodbyes, sang hymns, recited Bible verses, and read from God's word....just like Mom would want us to. Leigh and Ashton were able to speak with Mom and it was very obvious that she knew their voices. It was so hard to have to tell Leigh, "Leigh, you need to talk to Mom because Jesus is taking her to heaven tonight." Even harder was hearing Ashton ask, "Why does Jesus need my Granny?" and "Meet me at Heaven's gates one day" and then for him to tell her over and over, "I love you bunches and bunches." Mom needed to know that it was okay for her to finish her earthly journey and began her eternal life.

We couldn't help but laugh about 15 minutes after her death and wonder if she was talking Jesus' ear off. Our hearts are completely broken and we have so many questions, but from the onset we have had faith that God is in control. We certainly prayed for healing and that is exacty what God did - she will never have pain again. Mom has been so sick for weeks now. She was so tired. We wanted her to be able to have a good quality of life and not be sick. This has been so hard on Mom and all of us.

We want to thank you for all the cards, calls, visits, and most of all prayers. We still need them - especially Daddy. The bond between my parents is remarkable and the love that they share is one that most people only read about in fictional novels...it was a love based upon Christ. We are going to make the arrangements this morning, so we will be sure to forward you the info when available.

Please pray for Leigh's safe travel home. God moved a mighty mountain last night in that He allowed our cousin, Shane, to be able to leave his Navy base and unite with Leigh on the Marine base around 2:00 this morning. She will be driving home with Shane's wife, Shayna. Thank you, Shane and Shayna, from the bottom of our hearts. God, we thank you and love you more than we could ever express!

Those of you who have sent cards, she got them and she heard their message. I read each and every one of them to her yesterday afternoon.

Thank you for your prayers!

Love,
Erica