Thank You Family and Friends

Well, Mom has been in Glory for almost one week. I can't post this without telling you that I miss her more today than yesterday, if that's even possible.

The events of the past week have been like a horrible dream. We still feel rather robotic as we go through the day. I think Daddy summed it all up last night when he stated that he finds himself constantly walking in circles and feeling lost and empty. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that my precious mother is no longer on this earth. She was only 56 years old - way too young to be deceased.

Many of you were not able to attend her visitation or burial, so here are some pictures for you to see.

The visitation line was solid with people for over 3.5 hours - what an amazing testimony to Mom's life! Her casket was draped with a prayer quilt that was given to her by the members of Mt. Hermon Baptist Church. On the quilt was thread tied with hundred of knots which represented each time a person prayed for her. Mom used this quilt daily to cover her legs while reading her daily devotion and enjoying her prayer and praise time. She used to say that even on days when she felt so sick and lonely, she could always feel the power of prayer and was reassured that people loved her because she could look down and feel the hundreds of prayer knots. Our family had a spray of red roses, and Ashton had a spray of red roses and four golden roses representing the four golden years that he was blessed by his Granny (pronounced Grau (short o sound) - knee). Dr. Dean Sisk, pastor of Belle Aire Baptist Church officiated and I gave Momma's eulogy. Music for the funeral was provided by Rev. George and Janet Pinion and by the choir CD of Northside Baptist Church. For those of you who were not able to make the funeral service, her service was a celebration of her life and homecoming to Glory. What a celebration it was!

My most memorable moment at the service was when Ashton joined the other pall bearers (Daddy, Jason, Brent Shields, Donnie Shields, Ronnie Shields, and Babe Tudor) in carrying Mom's casket. That morning, he stated that he wanted to help his PaPa and Daddy carry Granny's body. I'll never forget seeing my four-year old little boy as he lifted on the end of the casket with all his might and walked just like the rest of the men and carried her body to the grave. He later said, "Momma, carrying Granny was hard work. My muscles are tired." Each morning since, when we pass the cemetary, he calls out, "Good morning, Granny's body." Then, he proceeds to tell me about when Christ returns and Granny's body will shoot-up out of the ground and we will all be in Heaven together forever. Praise God for using Momma's death to teach Ashton more about loving God and living for Him! Momma wouldn't want it any other way!

The outpouring of love from family, friends, and even perfect strangers has been overwhelming. It is amazing how many lives Mom touched. Actually, the rest of us should be reminded that no small act or deed or even smile are ever wasted - everything we do affects someone (positive or negative) somehow. When Mom entered a room, it lit-up with energy and love. We will never forget her smile or laugh. I feel her all around me and hear her voice cheering me on each day and reminding me that she's okay and that she still loves me.

I keep recounting her last hours and find myself wishing for one more squeeze of her hand and nod of her head. One thing that brings a smile to my face is when I think back to when I first arrived in her room last Wednesday and told her of the outcome of the Presidential election. I said, "Well, Mom, Obama won the election." Her eyes were closed (I never saw her eyes opened on that day) but she was very much alert, and she threw-up her right hand. I told her, "I know, Momma, but God is still in control and we'll just have to pray that much harder for the next 4 years." She nodded her head and then Daddy said no more talk of politics. That was the most movement I saw from her that day. If she could have, she would have fussed and fussed about the election results....I would have given anything to hear her say something, anything, on that day.

Another special memory from last Wednesday is the last family prayer that we had together. Leigh was on speaker phone at Mom's ear, Daddy was holding Mom's left hand, Nanny was beside Daddy, and Jason was at my side while I was holding Momma's right hand. Starting with Leigh, we poured-out our hearts to God and thanked Him for allowing us to be a family and for giving us such a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, and grandmother. We prayed that God would give Mom peace and comfort, and that she would feel His presence and His love. Even more importantly, we thanked God for allowing our family circle to be complete at this time because each and every one of us have asked Christ to forgive us of our sins and enter our lives - making us family not just here on earth but in Heaven as well. We prayed that when Ashton and Julianna and other grandchildren are old enough, that they too will make the decision to ask Christ into their hearts. When Mom was sick in 2004 with lymphoma, her prayer was that she would be around to see Ashton grow up to know Christ as his personal Savior. It was important to us that she know that we are going to do everything in our power to be sure that he grows up knowing about Christ so that one day when he is mature enough, he will make the choice to know Him personally. "Mom, we will carry-out the legacy that you left for us" - we all promised her that.

I'm not going to lie - the days are horrible and the pain is severe. I don't really remember a lot about the visitation or service because my eyes were focused on my Mother's face because as I looked at her, I was reminded of God's mercy and compassion and love. God knew the days that would be ahead if Mom had lived and His plan is perfect. I can't imagine getting through this or even living for a moment without the assurance of knowing that one day I will be united with my mother in Heaven. This may sound all rather cliche to you, but in my heart of hearts, I KNOW that this separation is only temporary. I've always pictured Heaven as a beautiful city in the clouds, but I will never think of it this way again. Now, I see it as a magnificent home in which my Lord and Momma are waiting for me at the gates.

Thank you for all the prayers, food, flowers, framed prints, quilts, angels, etc. that were shared with our family. Mom would have been so pleased and rather humbled to know that she impacted so many lives and that so many people love her. I could just hear her watching us from heaven and exclaiming to God, "Would you just look at so and so! I haven't seen her/him in years." As many of us were shedding tears, I'm sure she was wishing that she could have wrapped her arms around us and told us of the beauty of Heaven and given us assurance that she is healed and full of strength and quite happy now. One thing that you might like to know is that flowers from the arrangements are being dried and will one day be used by Leigh at her wedding. Now, she's not getting married any time soon and no, that wasn't her boyfriend at the funeral service (he was actually our cousin, Shane, who met her on the Marine Base and actually told her of Mom's death), but when God brings the right Christian man into her life and they unite as husband and wife, some of Mom's flowers will be used in the service - what a special way to include her on that day. Also, some of the angels and the pink bows will be used at our house whenever Julianna is brought to America and joins our family. Oh, Julianna will be named "Julianna Deborah" after Mom. Julianna never got to meet Mom but she was certainly prayed for and loved by Mom!

The days and months and years ahead will be difficult because we miss Mom so badly, and frankly, I don't think it will ever get any easier, however Mom is rejoicing in Heaven and we must release her back to Christ. We each have a plan for our lives - sometimes our plans don't coincide with God's, so we must be willing to relinquish control to Him. As Leigh, Daddy, and I prayed over Mom's body one last time at the beginning of her homecoming celebration (and I do hope that you left that service feeling as if you indeed had been celebrating Mom's life and God's glory), as difficult as it was, we released Mom back to Christ and acknowledged Him as the giver and taker of life and that His plan is perfect.

Mom, we will love you for the remainder of our lives. We look forward to seeing you at Heaven's gates and worshipping with you at the feet of our Lord and Savior for all eternity!

Mom's Life Verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you, delcares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11