Letter to Birth Mother

Today, I am a little anxious at the thought of court tonight in Ethiopia, but overall, I have a great sense of peace. Jason and I have prayed and prayed and prayed about our adoption journey. We have faced persecution because we are adopting internationally over domestic; some people are appalled that our child is a different race; and some have said, "Oh, you must not have heard God right when you went to Ukraine and wasted all that money". The truth of the matter is, not one step of our adoption journey has not been taken without the Lord's presence or guidance. Ukraine was not a mistake but a life-changing experience that ultimately led to a stronger testimony and relationship with Christ and many lives were affected by our heartaches. As for the color of our skin vs. our child - what difference does that make as we are all human and Christ died for each of us. Christ sees no color and we should not either. As for domestic v. international - you have no idea of the struggles there unless you have walked in our shoes. God is in control of our life and we are very excited about the path that He is leading us down...a path that we will not travel alone.

Today, my heart is heavy for our daughter's birth family - especially her mother. This post is my letter to the one woman in this world who I could never say "thank you" to enough.

Dear Birth Mother,

As I sit here at my kitchen table, which just moments ago had an abundance of food laid out upon it, my mind and heart wonder to thoughts of you. Did you have food to eat before you went to bed tonight? At this very moment, it is still Sunday afternoon here in the US but it is slightly after midnight there in Ethiopia and hence the beginning of a very long day for you. Today, you will travel to Addis Ababa and testify before a judge. Your presence and testimony will allow your precious 3 month old little girl be eligible for adoption. Whereas the judge's ruling will be the beginning of our new family, it will be the legal termination of yours. My heart breaks at this thought and at all the emotions that you must be feeling at this very moment. I wonder, are you sleeping tonight or is your heart breaking so that sleep eludes you?

There will never be another woman on earth who will be as connected to my heart. Not a day will pass that I will not think about you and pray for you. As our daughter grows and develops her personality, I will wonder, "Did she take that after her mother?" and "Does she look like her daddy or mommy?" You see, no matter what the final court papers say, you will always be a mother to our precious Baby "A". When she was only weeks old, you loved her enough to realize that she wasn't getting enough to eat and that her care was more than you could manage, so you made the ultimate sacrifice of love when you brought her to the orphanage. She was only in the orphanage days before she was brought to our agency's orphanage where she received medical attention and food for her hungry little belly. I can only imagine the pain that must have enveloped you as you made this heartwrenching decision.

Our daughter is absolutely beautiful! I cannot thank you enough for the gift of life! Without you, I would not be the proud parent of such a remarkable little princess. I do want you to know that Baby "A" will always know about you and will be taught that you never abandoned her or gave her away but that you did everything you could to make sure that she lives a happy, healthy, and abundant life. I truly hope that you will be receptive to meeting me and my husband during our journey to Ethiopia. I would like to be able to take pictures and provide Baby "A" with as much information about her birth family as possible. I want to be able to share a moment with the woman who gave me a daughter. I want to look in your eyes because if only for a moment, I will be looking into eyes as pure as possible here on earth - pure with unselfish, sacrificial love. One day, when our (meaning yours and mine) daugther is old enough, maybe we can travel back to Ethiopia and you will be able to see each other again.

Baby "A" is also going to have a big brother. He is 4 1/2 years old and prays for his sister every single day. He cannot wait to get her home and love on her and teach her all about life. He has helped fold her clothes and decorate her room but he says that he "draws the line at changing poopy diapers." We are a very happy family but we are neither perfect nor a substitute for you. As long as I am breathing, Baby "A" will know that somewhere across the world, there is a mother who loves her very much and that she was your first child and your first love.

I will not be having any more biological children as my body will not allow it, but I want you to know that adoption is not "Plan B" or "Second Choice" for us. When my husband and I were dating, we both spoke of the desire to adopt children. We prayed for a long time about adoption, so when the doctors told me that more biological children was not an option, we were not devastated but were instead excited about the plans that God had for us. Our adoption journey has been 3 years in length and it has been difficult at times but the moment that we saw Baby "A"'s face, every heartache melted away as we knew that she was the child meant for our family.

As a mother who has waited for years for another child, I know how much your arms must ache to hold Baby "A" one more time. I know how much it rips your heart out to see other mothers with their babies when all you want is to be able to love and care for one of your own. The sacrifice that you have made is one that is only made through love and can only be understood by other mothers who have felt the loneliness of an empty womb and an empty cradle. Words cannot express the gratitude that I feel for you. As you stand before that judge in mere hours, it is my prayer that God will give you peace and comfort in that when you walk back out those doors, you will feel the hands of God holding you and you will know that your child is loved and safe and you are completely guilt-free in knowing that you did what you had to do to protect your baby.

I have been praying for you for a very long time. I have been praying for your protection, nutrition, finances, health, etc. As long as there is breath in my body, I will not stop praying for you. Each year as we celebrate Baby "A"'s birthday, I will place a special candle in an Ethiopian holder on the table with the cake because without your love and life, Baby "A" would not have love and life. I will not forget nor will I allow her to forget the very special woman who God used to create life and who will forever be her mommy - regardless of the name on her birth certificate. There is no one else on earth with whom I proudly share the title "Mommy."

You will not be forgotten! Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice!

With deepest love and gratitude,

Erica