Praise Him in the Storms

Well, our precious baby has been in the arms of Christ for 3 days now. Friday's call telling us of her death still doesn't seem real. We had no idea that she had even been sick. Life is so precious and yet so fragile - a lesson our family is learning the hard way.

What a heart wrenching yet amazing weekend our family has had. God is so real to us and continues to reveal Himself to us over and over again. He is using many of you - some of whom are complete strangers - to minister to our breaking hearts. Between last Monday's court passage and Ashure's death on Friday, we have literally received 100's of e-mails and posts from people who are praying for our family. There is no way that we could respond to each and every one, so please know that we are SO GRATEFUL for your concern, prayers, and support. I just cannot tell you have you have blessed our hearts. Yahoo groups - you are simply amazing!

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Katie, we have never met but I want you to know that I am praying for you and your own adoption journey. Let me share a portion of her e-mail: "You know God has called you to adopt. There is a life, a soul, that is meant to be in your family, a Christian family. Satan would have nothing more than to discourage you to the point of quitting. There are no guarantees along this road except the end result. God has called you to adopt, and He is always faithful to His calling. Keep your eyes on the end of the story. Your baby will come home." The sharing of your own loss last week and these words that your agency gave you touched us in a way you will never know. God is working in both of our lives and He is so faithful!

Last Friday evening, we were supposed to have a celebration supper with Jason's side of the family, but we didn't feel much like celebrating and stayed home with Ashton. We told him of his sister's death and the tears flowed down his little cheeks. It was absolutely heart wrenching as he didn't understand why Jesus needed his sister and his Granny. We talked a little more with him and then he said, "That's alright, I'll share my Granny, and Julianna can play with her until I get to Heaven." I cried even harder. The next morning, I was still crying as I read e-mails and posts and Ashton crawled-up in my lap, put his little hand on my cheek to dry my eyes and said, "Don't cry, Mommy. You don't want Sissy to be sick forever. She's not sick anymore and when she cries, Jesus and Granny can take turns holding her." Child-like faith, I need it.

Jason and I will continue with our adoption journey, but we want to be very clear in that everyone understands that even though we never held Julianna Ashure in our arms, she is as much our child as Ashton. She is our child in death as well as in life. No one will ever replace her and she will always be our little girl. As hard as it is, we must relinquish her to Christ. We don't understand why this happened but we do know that we have been blessed to be her parents even if was only for a short time. She is so loved and adored - even in death!

Everyone seems to have their own opinions about what we need to do about moving forward with the adoption but frankly, this decision is between Christ, Jason, and myself. Without a doubt, we are in the will and presence of Christ. Remember, scripture says:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Prov. 3:6

"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor. 5:7

Our God is faithful and He is healing our hearts. As I learned from my mother's death only 8 months ago, letting go and moving on takes time. God wants us to remember the past but we are to move forward with reaching the world and living for Him. This last week has shown me that God is using our adoption journey to minister across the world. I had no idea how many people were following our journey and how many lives had been touched through our trials. Christians, you never know how your life is affecting those around you so always live a life for Christ! I struggled with possibly closing this blog to the public but God has reminded time and time again that this blog is a ministry tool and even in the pain, God works and lives are touched so our journey will continue to be open for the world.

Let's praise God in the storms as well as in the good times!