Last Wednesday, I spoke with our family coordinator for about 30 minutes. Jason and I want so badly to allow ourselves to get excited and start dreaming of our baby, however we are afraid of getting our hearts broken...again. It wasn't until I spoke with our coordinator, Terra, until I fully realized why we were holding back. Terra is well aware of what happened with our attempt at a Ukrainian adoption and she was the one who outright stated that we were afraid to let go because we didn't want to experience another heartbreak - this was a light bulb moment for me. As much as I have prayed and told myself that I was moving past Ukraine, I have been afraid to completely open my mind and heart to the Ethiopian journey for fear that things will not work-out. It's no coincidence that my daily devotions have been about faith and trust - I think I need to work on those areas and learn to let go.
Jason and I have talked a lot about our feelings since last week and have come to realize that we need to trust God and allow ourselves to get excited. Terra even recommended to us that we start thinking about our nursery and when we feel comfortable, to get started. We have pretty much decided on the bedding set pictured above. The photo truly doesn't do it justice. The set is very feminine - which is exactly what I've always dreamed of for my little girl.
In selecting bedding, God used this decision to further help mend our broken hearts. When we first casually looked at bedding about a month or so ago, we started thinking about safari adventure and jungle animals. It seemed logical that since our child was coming from Africa that we decorate her nursery accordingly. Well, God began to convict my heart about that mindset. God began to lead me to consider this question - if Julianna was growing in my belly instead of in my heart, how would her room be decorated? The answer was simple - with beautiful rosebuds and very feminine. It was at that moment that the adoption began to seem real to me and the ice around my heart started to melt. God is preparing me for a beautiful daughter and I need to get ready. It doesn't matter where she is born. All that matters is that she is loved and adored. Who would have ever thought that bedding could be so therapeutic?!
